Munich

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Hi folks. This is Chris from Urtz’s Special Walking Tours (aka Chris’ Barely Passable Walking Tours). I’d like to take this time today to tell you about one of our new, almost completely average walking tours of Munich.

If you join our team of crack tour leaders (either Tom C. or myself) we will start off by taking you to the Viktualenmarkt. This a local farmers market where all varieties of fruit, veg and freshly butchered meat (including horse meat) can be had. This will be roughly 10 minutes into the start of our tour, so obviously it’ll be time for a lunch break!! (Our opening hours are from whenever we get there until stop whining, we’re almost at the hotel!) On today’s menu – a lovely Leberkäse sandwich. What is Leberkäse, you might ask? Well, if we break the word down into it’s two root words (Leber & Käse), we get liver & cheese. On the upside, this meat has nothing to do with either!! (Or so we told the ladies. A good laugh for us then!)

After that, we’ll shove along to the Marienplatz, home of the New Rathaus that houses a large grandfather clock that goes off at 12 o’clock every day. We’ll make sure and get there by 1pm.

Following that, it’s off to Odeonsplatz. Here, something happened around roughly some time, and was done by some good or bad people. It’s not really clear. But there are big buildings here! And look here – statues! And there’s some more!

(SC: And … oh wait, it’s been 10 mins since the last beer, best we stop for a drink and rest our weary legs).

Now it’s time for one of the big surprises of Munich – ducks!! Aren’t they just darling? (We may have been enjoying them later for dinner, but Sandy can be a real Debbie Downer in that regards.) Oh well, let’s then head to the Eisbach, where we’ll find … surfers?! Yes, Munich, which is located in Bavaria, and is completely landlocked, has loads of men & women that somehow fell in love with and now have the need to surf. On a fast flowing brook. In the middle of a major city. … Talk about weirdos!

On we shall push, up through the English Garten. It is quite the delight of … trees … and paths … and then the Chinese Tower!! Wait, it’s closed. Crap. Ok, nothing to see here. Let’s go find a pub!! (We make sure to keep our patrons fueled on local spirits and … well, more or less just that. Local spirits.)

(SC: On arrival at the pub, Chris exits from the men’s toilet, excitedly informing us that he’s sent us all a pic that he just took in there!!)

Following the pub stop, it’s time to take in the delights of the Munich Underground/tube/subway. We’ll use this to make our way to the Olympic Park, home of the 1972 Summer Olympics and also home of essentially no toilets. Thanks Covid! (We are currently re-visiting our “only fueling on local spirits” policy.) The buildings, although built in the 70’s, still surprisingly hold up today!

Being done here, we are going to go find the U1 (Subway Train 1). So we will walk … and walk … and walk some more … and walking … still walking … are we there yet? … I’m thirsty! … Don’t make me turn this, oh, we’re there. We’ll be taking this tube on to the Theriesienwiese, where, under normal circumstances, we would find the beloved Oktoberfest in September and, wait for it … October too! But as everything has been cancelled in Germany and it’s only July, we will find ourselves approaching … a Black Lives Matter demonstration.

I tell ya, when you join us in Munich, there’s no stop to the palpable boredom and barely passable information you’ll learn!! Next, it was back to the hotel for a quick freshening up, followed by a realization that we walked 17km. Wait, what the hell?? That’s just silly. (Note to the tour team – maybe not THAT long of a walk.)

A dinner, a sleep & a breakfast later, and it will be time for our future guests to do whatever they want, because we’re going home!!

But honestly and in all sincerity – to Sandy & Jarrah. It has been both Tom & my great honor to be able to meet you both. From a random meeting in a tiny surf town in Costa Rica to a pair of meet-ups in Germany (sometimes with local clothing, most of the time not) – we have had a great time under all circumstances, and are incredibly proud to call you both friends. We look forward to any possible meet-ups that may take place in the future, for sure! And also – many thanks for allowing us to be a part of your blog! It is with great enjoyment that we can submit this. We wish you the absolute best in your future travels!!

One final sentiment: Germany has loved having you two lovely ladies as guests. Now, from all of us in Germany to you two – get out. No, sorry, that was lost in translation!! What we mean to say is – go on, weary travelers. Go find another country to go stomping around in! (The pictures and insights are sure to be fantastic!!)

Daily Giggle
A certain-someone emerging from the bushes (emergency toilet) at high speed, arms flailing about his head and body declaring he “may have contracted Malaria!”

MERE MALE